if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
