be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
