he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
