well you can't waste a boner
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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