Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
