I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
