Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
