At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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