shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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