I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
