tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
