Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
