Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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