i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
