I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
