census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
