This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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