I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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