so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
