I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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