you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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