spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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