We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
