guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
