i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
