Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
