i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
