yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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