Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
her vagine was all disorganized.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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