I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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