I want to stick my p in your. b.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
