I faked an abortion last night.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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