What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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