I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
