Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
