I'm drive I can fine osifer
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
