it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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