Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My pussy is not your playground.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
