if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
