What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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