i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
