the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
