summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
