what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
