In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
