you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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