all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just invented taco cereal.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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