One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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