I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
