How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
