Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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