you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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