I just made out with a guy for $7.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
