the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
