Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
