I want to make a zoo with you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
