just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
